It's The Daylight Robbers AGAIN!... And They've Brought Reinforcements

This week felt like somebody dropped a mountain-sized shit load of bad karma all over the planet. No one was spared. In times like these, the only real safety net comes in being able to disassociate.....

Here at Mi Casa I find the only solace I have left. I can buy a few plants and stick them in the ground. I can take out my aggression on the weeds. I can take to my bed like a proper Victorean spinster, chardonnay in hand. There's Breyers chocolate cherry in the freezer if none of the above works...

With a few words of wisdom from my online friend, Professor Zero, I got my app off to Newton. I don't want to be pessimistic but.....IT IS NEWTON! I hear the children are born quoting Shakespeare...Am I intimidated? Nah! I aim high because I'm addicted to the maelstrom of monstrous letdowns....Speaking of letdowns, the Washington Post rejected my op-ed. It was seriously considered says they but that's like being told by Mr. McDreamy that you have a great personality and can we be 'just' friends ..... But I dusted that puppy off and sent it to Miami....Those humanist slouts at the Post were probably offended by my tendency to quote the Bible....Only Anne Lamott can get away with that right? Sheesh!

The Daylight Robbers have reared their ugly faces at work again. Is there something that accompanies spring that makes 'em all feel so full of the virulent sludge of inhumanity they all feed on? They ought to all get their asses back to the Darkside and leave me alone to plant marigolds and dream....

Whew! It felt good to get that one off my chest....I think I hear that Chardonnay calling my name....Bye Chil'ren........

Sweet Dream....Waking Nightmare

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you---Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you.But in your dreams, whatever they be,Dream a little dream of me.

For a very very long time, I've been telling people, I don't dream and I really don't. I'd always say I;m too grounded in reality. Well the truth is, I just gave up hope that anything could be different. I developed a hard shell of pessimism about my life; about the world and the people in it. But then I changed ever so slightly and allowed my self to think of the possibility that things could change for me; that given enough effort and faith, maybe I could get one little thing that I wanted. I'm not so sure at all that I should have come out from the burden of cynicism that had become a hole where I buried all my dreams...At least when I was convinced that all was shit and would always be shit, I didn't set myself up for more heartbreak.

Have you ever allowed yourself to dream? Have you ever had a want or a wish that was so close you could close your eyes and be there? Sometimes, I close my eyes and I am alone on the streets of Boston or sitting on a bench in Newburyport. I am happy. I am where my body, mind and spirit feels at home. I do not feel as I do now that I have awakened to someone else's life and wondered where I've been all these years. I found myself in Boston and I convinced myself that I could have me back if I tried.

I want to leave this place. Every day something happens that confirms it for me....that I should leave this place. It is time. It is not natural for someone (even me) to cry every dam day in abject misery because this is just not where I want to be. Boston is the dream I allowed myself. Despite everything negative that anyone could say, Boston was/is right for me and when I'm convinced of something, I will move heaven and hell to make it happen. But right now I'm pushing and nothing seems to be happening. For all my efforts I can't seem to get the house together to put on the market and the dam employment applications are a nightmare. Did I say nightmare? I meant a fucking nightmare! I come home drained and exhausted. And for what???All I want to do is cry or drink wine until my tongue is numb. I wake up the next day and it's another day and I'm no closer to that dream. Can misery make you lose your mind? I'm on the fast train to being there if something doesn't give....

Choose Life....and That More Abundantly

There is an interesting entry about the Don Imus controversy in the blog ASKTHISBLACKWOMAN.COM. I bring it up because the comments are similar to thoughts I had yesterday while sitting in the parking lot of the grocery store. Many people just don't get it when Black people become outraged over comments like the one Imus made about the Rutgers women's basketball team. He referred to them as 'nappy headed hos.' Someone was bound to bring up the fact that African Americans refer to each other with denigrating misogynistic, racist language. It's everywhere; in our conversation and entertainment. ATBW brings up a pervasive and disturbing truth when she says...

" it's Black people's fault for allowing such utterances to be heard coming from the mouths of Black people, on CDs and radio stations across the WORLD. Black people are participating in our own destruction by characterizing Black people as whores, as ugly, as criminals, as hyper-sexual, as drug dealers, as under-educated, as stupid…all over some dope beats and a catchy hook."

W don't 'just allow' these utterances as the sister says,. Our attitudes and behavior have created them. We can't aske the rest of the planet to look away at the ugliness we have become as a people. I'm not disagreeing with this sister. I mus should be off the air. There are laws against libel (exposing someone to public ridicule) but when you consider our penchant for self hatred, it's a little like trying to figure which came first the chicken or the egg. As a means of control, we were taught by slave masters to hate and mistrust each other. Many of us have become misguided and avoid speaking the truth in fear of being characterized as traitors to our race. But the truth needs to be told if we are ever going to heal our wounded psyches...The negative images of black people are rooted in current culture. and indicate a deep spiritual wound that needs healing. These images are not manufactured out of thin air, They are real and we created them . Our young people have no idea, neither do they seem to care about what is and is not acceptable behavior. Teenage girls come to school dressed like whores and the boys look and act like thugs. Ask any teacher if the majority of them act like criminals and whores and many would say yes. Teen pregnancy is an epidemic as is teen crime. In Boston, the school's police are pleading for bullet proof vests for protection. It's an up hill battle because many people still want to believe schools are some kind of oasis of adolescent innocence. We have become expert finger pointers looking to place blame for the deterioration of our communities, every where except where it belongs, at home with parents.

Consider this....

As I sat in my car yesterday in the parking lot of a neighborhood grocery store, my consciousnesss was assaulted with loud profanity coming from a group of African American females making their way into the store. There were four of them, all young. One was carrying a baby, two were pregnant. The one carrying the baby had a quarter size hole in the dress she was wearing which exposed her buttocks. There was no need for imagination about the anatomy of any of them. They were all wearing short, tight dresses which exposed the outline of their underwear and the pregnant bellies of two of them....one was close to term (wince). Neither of them could have been more than 16 years old.

I couldn't help but wonder, where, when and how did we as a people lose our sense of pride and modesty. James Brown would have a hard time writing his signature song today; Say It Loud, I'm Black and I'm Proud." He wouldn't be talking about us. My other thought was sympathy for the babies these young women and others like them are bringing into the world. What will they teach them (if anything)? They apparently were taught nothing about self respect and self control. In my line of work, I see teenagers every day who reject education. and the kind of values that our ancestors adhered for survival. The Bible says we have before us death and life. We are to choose between them. In choosing spiritual suicide, we have raised generations of children with no moral compass and like it or not, they are the future. And what kind of future will it be for any of us? The Don Imuses of this world are not our problem. We are....