Daybreak and I'm Drifting Awake

I continually drag my carcas out of bed before daybreak even when I don't have to go to work. What's up with that. Yesterday it was 3:30 am This morning I was up at 6am I turn on the tv to escape the worries that roll through my head like screen credits of a very noir film. The first thing on today's agenda was a call to the woman in payroll who I talked to yesterday and discovered the ex has retired and the checks will stop coming. Today she assured me, she will 'review' the file and get back in touch. She says his retirement check can be garnished. Oh Joy. My ex, even after all these years has no respect for the long arm of the law. When we divorced, he came to court with no attorney. He was slammed dunked. Believe me, he deserved it. My years with him resembled a scene from that movie Farrah made about domestic abuse; The Burning Bed. That was my life and it took years to recover.  http://www.ndvh.org/  Sometimes I wonder if I ever will trust anyone again. Anywhoo....I sit and wait Today I must get the hair done. I'd rather have root canal than fool with hair. I'll be tapping the rainy day fund for the time being....

Dire Straits And Then Some

It's been a while and as much as things change they remain the same in ways I'd rather have a little change if ya know what I mean. How many times have I said in this blog, I just need a break. I know no one reads this and when the rain comes, with it's fiery darts and all that other apocalyptic stuff that hits my life, I just want to crawl into a hole and be done with it already. What the heck do all those people in toothpaste commercials smile about anyway! Do they live on the same planet I live on? Guess not....What has the Barbie on the down side of morose and wringing the towel????? Glad you asked and I don't mind tellin' ya.

I paid off my car in February. I thought the day would never come (Of course I had a $650 repair bill not soon after the title arrived. Right now it sounds like a can of bolts). A few other pretty good things happened and for a nano second there, I felt almost like I had joined a tribe of happy people who audition for toothpaste commercials. I should know better. For every rainbow I have ever received, has been followed by a shit storm. I won't bore with every itty bitty that has kept me silent 'til now.

I have been in a struggle with the Daylight Robbers who provide me with the paycheck I call blood money for some time now. Things escalated to crazy proportions when all I ever ever wanted, I swear was for them to just do the right thing. BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. That would have been too easy and like Tina Turner said, the Barbie's life is nevah, evah EEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! So papers were zipped to the EEOC about my rights being violated and all. I miraculously found someone to take the case pro bono and settled in thinking naively as I always do that 'de good Lawd protects them that strives to do the right thing. Yeah.....Sure if you survive the fight and don't go crazy or kill yourself.

I'm in a holding pattern right now; working but they've threatened to fire me if I go through with the lawsuit. PAUSE. PRAY TO JESUS. Stay UP NIGHTS WITH VISIONS OF HOMELESSNESS AND WORSE; NO HEALTH INSURANCE dancing in my brain. And today just for fun, as I wait on a check from the ex who lives in another state, I find he has taken an early retirement (at least he can afford to). Payroll won't give me a forwarding address even after I read the clause in the court order that says it's a crime if they don't. QUICK. PHONE THE LAWYER. HOPE SHE REMEMBERS MY NAME.

And here I sit wondering why I seem to be on the receiving end of hell's bommerang. I don't have credit card debt. I have a 300$ AC bill. I'll be giving up cool air, cable and AT&T. Usually, I can make myself feel better by remembering how my ancestors got over but right now I just feel raw and very very blue.....