Monday, December 17, 2007

The AntiSeason Rant

I am not feeling particularly Christmassy. I can't blame it on crowds. I'm not a mall shopper but I don't particularly mind crowds. I can't really blame my malaise on anything I can quite name or put my finger on. I'm just not feeling the old ho ho jingle bell thing.

Christmas to me is like sex. When you're in the throes of its pleasures; the overeating, the giving and the getting, it feels great but it's all over too soon. And like sex, when Christmas is gone, I'm usually left unfulfilled, disappointed and alone. So, maybe subconsciously I'm just protecting myself against inevitable disappointment. I've thought about trying to shake the feeling and go feed an orphan or buy a coat for a homeless person. Focusing on others 'less fortunate' is supposed to be the transformative healing balm to end self indulgent navel gazing. I don't think it would work on me. I have descended to the depths of a 'so what' existence where nothing seems to matter.

Life is cheap. Ask any gun toting teenager on his way to the mall. I've seen CNN's "God Squad" once too often. Poor Christiane (Ironpants) Amanpour. I'm sure she thought she'd seen/heard it all until she produced that little hour of madness. She seemed more than a bit perplexed at the illogic of the notion held by radical Islamists that killing scores of innocent people is a free ticket to heaven. Whether she was perplexed or not, the daily diet of horror on the evening news, along with the insanity of the economy makes me pukish, not merry.

I'm going to ask one more time and I don't expect an answer because I've never gotten one that satisfied me. WHERE IS GOD?

I have this theory that Jenny Craig is a big, fat, happy woman living on her own island in the Carribbean, eating 4,000 calories a day and laughing at all the foolish women dying to be thin and choking down Jenny's faux food because some fat actress told them to. Maybe God retired to his own cloud and just said to hell with us. Hell is exactly what it all seems like...not living at all; a waking nightmare where gasoline is four dollars and worth more than a human life-----world without end.

Merry Christmas? Not tonight. I've got a headache.