Saturday, March 25, 2006

I got holes, you got holes, all 'o dem womens got holes

Alyssa and Andrew
"Freedom means choosing your burden"
----Hephzibah Menuhin

How right it is that the sun is out this fine Saturday morning. There was no sun in my life last week neither tangibly or figuratively. I stand corrected. The support of friends, especially friend Linda and Joann both in BOSTON could be classified as "sun." Someone out there in bloggerdom can surely relate to the week I had; when all hell broke loose. Then the little demons who'd set upon me, went home to de debbil and got their big brothers to have a party wrecking my sanity and tranquility. Both of those elements have always been in too short supply. First the 'flying monkeys' at work put me on their radar. In one form or another my chain was yanked until it was hard to know if I was coming or going. And many times I checked my back for blood and my ass for boot heels. If ever a sistuh had a reason for a pity party, I had it. Then just for fun I heard from the ex, never good. No no never and is usually accompanied by court orders to appear. This is a man (and I use the word loosely) who masquerades as a human being but in reality is an abusive lowlife that makes Tony Soprano look like the Pope. One day dear bloggers, I'll tell you how it feels to be thrown out of a moving car. Why is it spouse beaters also have selective amnesia?????Just the thought of this man after all these years makes me physically ill. Indeed, I threw up during the divorce hearing. Well, I managed with the help of friends and a little retail therapy last night, to gain some equilibrium and perspective about his threats and here it is a new day. As I walked around tj maxx last night (Mecca for lonely women evrywhere) I couldn't help but notice the vacant looks on the faces of the women. They all looked like they had holes in their hearts. The shopping carts full of unneeded merchandise were just an attempt to fill those holes; those aching hearts we all seem to have. I read in the good book about "JOY" coming in the morning. Well maybe I don't exactly have it right now, I did get a good laugh from a newfound source. I love blogging. Oh yes I do do do. You absolutely can be healed in bloggerdom! I'm a witness y'all. Check out one of the coolest . Thank you Alyssa. You're a funny funny lady. Thank you for reminding me that no matter how bleak life gets, there's always a reason to laugh and you don't have to look too far. You just have to look. I realized after reading Alyssa's blog (check out the Tomato Nation link) and looking at her truly marvelous photos that the world is a really beautiful place. We can't keep the rats out but we can live our lives in spite of them, focusing on the wonders and beauty and NOT let anything or anyone overshadow this gift call LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, March 19, 2006

No Crystal Stair

The other day I came across an e-mail from one of the higher ups. One of his flying monkeys had sent me a terse e-mail about breaking one of the many mind numbing procedures we must abide by. Egads! I went off and had an independent thought, an egregious error in my work environment. I responded to the e-mail by giving an explanation which sounded perfectly reasonable to me, for my actions. Apparently my 'explanation' went to the higher up and I was chastised. His exact words were, "you think you're special." Pardon me but this screams personal vedetta and not constructive criticism. There are many reasons to dislike, even hate my job. Chief among them is the fact that, no matter how good a job you do, you're judged by a yardstick of flimsy arbitrary dislikes by people with questionable common sense and even fewer brains. I had to take a deep breath and NOT take the bait, which is what I considered his insulting statement to be. Had I responded, he might have then charged me with insubordination. I wonder why that works in such a one-sided way? If I, an underling have the audacity to defend myself, I am insubordinate. However by virtue of exalted position, I can be insulted, and have doubts cast on my professional reputation by someone strictly because they're in a higher pay grade. I think the fact that I am able to do a good job despite it all DOES indeed make me very special!