Saturday, August 12, 2006

Edna's Miracle and Goose Shit

I hit the walking trail iln the park this afternoon for the first time since before I left for Boston. It's been a while but I figure that's ok since I walked so much in Boston. They don't call that place "The Walking City" for nothing. You either move or get knocked down.

I had to be real careful when I got out of the car because there was goose shit everywhere, a nasty sight mixed in with the wet Georgia red clay. There must have been over thirty of those ugly grey suckers waddling around. My only company were the geese and a family out walking their dog. I like the solitude. It gives me a chance to think and my thoughts turned to Edna.

Last night while I was engaged in a little 'retail therapy' at TJ Maxx, Edna told me about her man, i.e., her miracle. I've known Edna a long time because I shop at TJ's a lot and she's been selling jewelry there since way back before forever. She leaned into the counter and told me she's hoping to put in four more years to make 25 and retire. But she added, she doesn't have to work because she's got herself a mighty mighty good man. He retired from a P&G which is a nice place to retire from and he pays the bills. According to Edna, he had to almost tie her down in the beginning to let him do anything for her. I told her, I certainly know how that is. If someone offered to do anything for me, I'd think I was dreaming. I've been taking care of myself so long. I told her, I expect to be flying solo until I die. Actually I think about that quite a lot; life isn't kind to people who are old and alone. The way I figure it, the future is bleak indeed.

Edna said, "Hold on, honey. That's when love comes. When you least expect it; when you give up on it." No offense, Miss Edna but that's horseshit. I don't believe in miracles and I sho nuff don't believe in love. We live in a loveless world. The entire concept is an archaic notion based on "The Good Book." God's word may be represented there but it has been polluted to the point that it's hard to know what the truth is anymore. I mean if God IS love, then where the hell is he? And if all things work out for the good of those who believe then why do the good suffer so much? I mean shouldn't the good win a little SOME time? Try telling a child who's hungry or has lost both parents to AIDS, that it's all going to work out for their good. I have to admit, I haven't suffered all that much compared to many people in this world but I've had my share and a lot of it I just didn't deserve at all. It just doesn't console me anymore to chalk it all up to the debil. I mean when does God kick the debil's ass and let the good guys win? Am I supposed to wait until I get to heaven to get a little reward. If that's so, then what's the purpose of being here at all; for the joy of suffering? Throw the dice and hope I'm prayed up so I can reap my heavenly door prize?

Back to Edna. She thinks she's going to grow old with Mr. Goodbar. A coworker set her up on a blind date 5 years ago and so far so good. They've been married 11 months. Life being what it is, her good man will probably die of a stroke or diabetes and she'll be alone again. She'll still be better off than me. I will go to my grave wondering why that one thing I wanted since I was a little wee one has passed me by. Everytime I thought it was love, Mr. Wonderful turned out to be a fresh nightmare. I learned the meaning of misery after each man I gave my heart to. So right now Venus is fresh outta love. Hell I don't even believe in it. It's like all that goose shit; best to be avoided.